Where do the broken go to heal when time takes too long? There are two guarantees in life, the first being that just like life was given to you, so shall it be taken from you and the second is that none of those events will stop the moving of time. Time is infinite, pain can be too.

There are many ways to deal with pain, some are frowned upon, some are acceptable and some are justified depending on who you ask. Let me start off by saying someone who ends their own life is not selfish, they weren’t living for you. If someone wishes to end their life, it was because they wanted to end the pain, the numbness, they wanted it to stop. I don’t support suicide and I believe that there is always a way to deal through things but I understand the desire to not feel anything anymore.

Someone’s suicide, their desire to end the pain, IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU.

Everyone has a coping mechanism, drugs, sex, music, talking to someone or even shutting people out. I’m too curious for my own good and so I’ve tried more things than I am willing to admit. The youth of our generation is broken. Broken by racism, being raised in abusive environments, broken by our friends, our families, our parents, we are broken.

We are broken by actions without thoughtful consequence. When a mother turns to her little girl and tells her that her father is unfaithful, is she warning her about the ways of men or giving her a reason to hate a man who has done no wrong to her? When you laugh at someone’s efforts instead of correct them, are you showing them that they are wrong or giving them reason to never better themselves?

We are a thoughtless generation, we see people are broken and instead of paying attention to the cause, we focus on the reaction. ‘Children are uncontrollable and don’t know how to communicate’ but parents forget years ago how they would silence their kids because “a parent knows best”. They were never allowed to say more than “I love you” and “Yes” to their parents because a good child does what is told and an opinion that differs is disrespect. You spend years silencing a child and then call them shy and say they lack self-esteem.

Drugs. Sex. Alcohol. They can be coping mechanisms, before you tell someone that what they are doing is wrong, do you ask them why do they feel they need help coping and isn’t there another way to handle the matter? Other coping mechanisms are not sold but live within us, like when someone grows up being told they are fat or unattractive and they lash out at a joke or at a misinterpreted compliment, it is their way of coping. Get them, before they get you.

Some people laugh at others, find someone shorter than you and call them a midget, someone bigger than you and call them fat, someone who makes less money and remind them about tax brackets or make them feel less qualified. Your coping mechanism requires the breaking of another. In order to feel better about yourself, you need to hurt someone else.

Being in a better place, having more positive coping mechanisms and a better mind-set does not give you the right to judge someone but rather the power to show them that things can be different. Not all that glitters is gold, so you are not to try and make them want to be you or in your situation because no one knows better what you are going through than you but still you whether gold or not, you glitter and that is what you need to pass on. The hope that they too can glitter in their own way.

Jade Novelist ©️ 2018

Love is messed up. It is the most natural emotion and the most complex because it has so many forms. Unlike hate or anger, you can’t hate a friend differently to the way you hate a sibling, the action that made one feel the hatred will lead to different degrees of hatred but not forms. You can love your lover or parents to different extents but you can’t love you lover and parents in the same form.

If your love were a house and you had to choose four pillars to build your foundation on, what would they be and does your partner know them? Would they support you through life’s earthquakes? Does your partner understand what love encompasses for you?

Mine are; Communication, Loyalty, Intimacy & Spontaneity. I want my partner to know that for me, there is a difference between talking at me and talking to me. She needs to understand that I value trust, patience, reliability and dependability. There needs to be a connection that transcends the physical and pays homage to the emotional while allowing moments of primal lust. I’m not asking for balloon rides, hiking trips or even five star treatment, all I ask for is random “I love you” texts with more than just those three words, breakfast in bed and sometimes ask me to dance or go for walk, do something that shatters our routine.

I may know my pillars now but it took a lot of trial and error to figure it, so it would be unreasonable for me to expect someone to understand what love means to me, let alone how I want to be loved without me communicating that with them. It is easy to love but difficult to love someone correctly because we don’t understand their love language and the things that matter to them. A lot of people don’t believe the correct approach to love is to ask their partner to “teach them how to be loved” but how will you truly know you make them happy if you have never asked if how you love is what they want, remember sometimes are laughs and smiles are people just being polite. Take a moment and ask them how they want to be loved, and not take it as a reflection of yourself but rather a chance to grow closer to them. Who knows, maybe you have been doing it right all this while. Truth of the matter is actions speak louder than words and you can love someone with all your heart but if your actions push them away, then your love does nothing but hurt them and no one deserves a painful love.

From my past I have a learnt that not being yourself while trying to accept someone else causes resentment because you lose yourself in the fact that you’re with someone who is in love with someone you are not. I learnt that changing for someone else when they didn’t ask you to makes you bitter because you feel you aren’t getting what you give. I also learnt that there is a difference between sacrifice and compromise, sacrifice aims to make one person fulfilled while compromise takes into account the needs of both parties. I have had to make more sacrifices than I can count, each painful and each a lesson.

Everyone has a past and before someone else can accept yours, you need to accept it yourself. You need to accept that there were times you were happy and accept that there were times you were sad. Acknowledging that moments with someone else meant something to you does not mean that you are holding on to the past, it just means you know what you like and have the experience to back it up, and vice versa. You know what you don’t like because you have been through it. It is unfair for someone to hold your past against you but it is equally unfair to use your past as justification for how you treat someone who wants to love you.

If you are not ready to love, then don’t. The heart wants what it wants but you decide where your soul goes, who you touch and how close you let them to you, so love when you are ready.

Be patient with the one you are with, just because you are ready to love doesn’t mean they are. The fact that they are willing to try is a great first step. I would like to state that I don’t believe two people can love the each other the same, someone always loves more. Sometimes it’s the one who fell in love first because they had more time to prepare themselves for that step in the relationship and sometimes it is the one who fell last because it’s more new for them. I really do believe one person loves the other more, it’s why “You will never know what you mean to me” or “Words can’t describe what I feel for you” can bring tears to ones eye but just because someone loves you less than you love them, it doesn’t mean that they love anyone more than they love you.

Love when you are ready. Love when being hurt goes to the back of your mind and being with your person means more than breathing. Love can be toxic and it can beautiful. Love is complicated but when you get it right, love is unconditional.

Jade Novelist ©️ 2018

We all have demons, they curse us in different ways. Some make us feel not good enough, others make us feel too much and some make us afraid of things we don’t understand.

Mine make me feel ugly.

I don’t like how I look.

I haven’t for a long time.

One step at a time, one day at a time, right??? That’s the advice everyone gives but do they know each and every day those demons take those steps with us? Overwhelming the voices on the outside. Please save your well-timed secondary compliments, you know the “you look good too”, the “you’re not bad yourself” and the “how could you ever feel ugly”. I don’t see myself the way you do, I was only ever taught how to trust in my perspective and my perspective of society has repeatedly told me that I’m not handsome and that beautiful and I don’t belong in the same sentence.

It’s something about genes and features, males and females each have their own struggles. From eyes to lips, hips and skin tone. There are those that belong on the cover of magazines and those who buy the magazines, those who flood Instagram timelines and those who like their pictures.

I envy those without insecurities, not those who hide them well but those who genuinely find nothing wrong with themselves. It’s not self-hate; I could never love anyone more than I love myself. It is more of a realization, a sort of coming to terms. It’s not as bad as it used to be though, there was a point where I felt there was no hope and thus no effort was necessary. So early on in life, I picked my favourite feature and ran with it. Hazel eyes. God gifted me with hazel eyes and everything else was either too big or not big enough. Most of the discomfort was with my face, it was unattractive. All of this caused by a longing, I saw how they looked and were treated by others, I wanted that.

Someone made them feel special and I wanted that, and slowly it moved from my face, to my everything. The infection spread and all of a sudden I wasn’t smart enough, I wasn’t funny enough and eventually I wasn’t worth loving. The voices made me forced me to find ways to cope that made the pain go away in temporary intervals, not long enough for me to be okay but just enough to let me convince myself maybe I will wake up and not be myself someday.

I guess I could say society really did a number on me. I wanted to be enough for one person but allowed society to dictate what “enough” meant. I wanted that so bad, that when I found that someone I put her through the ringer before she could have the love I knew I had to give before I was broken. She surprised me, she was willing to wait for me to be ready to put the pieces together, she saw my flaws as defining characteristics and not imperfections.

Even though she helped, it was all on me. I had to believe in myself again. I had to learn to calm down the voices. I am smart. I am talented. I am gifted. I still struggle with how I look but I’ve learnt to make room for positive voices. Some internally and some externally. You are only as good as you feel, right?

Jade Novelist ©️ 2018