I want to know how it feels to multiply too, to make one and one make three. No more false alarms or premature starts.

I’m tired of lessons in patience. Tired of having no one to hold, feeling like there is nothing more to me than empty arms ready to love and holding on to nothing but shame.

I’m tired of answering their questions in secret with prayers;

I’m tired of “God when?”, and “Why not me?”.

Why am I denied a miracle? Do I not deserve to nurture someone who comes from me?

I feel I am welcoming and ready but my guest is reluctant and that breaks me.