for as long as i have lived,

happiness has been a rarity.

i cannot recall exactly when i allowed depression into my home.


when depression arrived,

it left the door open.

soon after, i had many unwanted guests.

self harm: she made herself comfortable.

she was the companion on whom i relied.


at 4am when i found no rest,

she wrapped her arms around me.

bipolar: he was like an abusive lover.

he reaked of toxicity.

stole my voice,

made me question myself.

“be silent,” he would say.

“you’re crazy”


anxiety: my universe.

stole all forms of stability.

known for ripping the carpet from beneath me.

hated peace.

loved breaking the unbroken.


until i woke up and said,

“no more!”

depression, you have no place here.

self harm, leave me.

anxiety, let me rest.


Buhle Ngoma ©️ 2018

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