You scare me.

I know not what I have done to deserve you

and know not how to love you,

so you scare me.

I count down until your arrival,


and minutes feel like lifetimes.

I see the possibilities of your future

so I pray you outlive me.

I want you to make your own mistakes,

so learn from mine.

I really want you to make your own mistakes

but at the same time fear the pain you will endure

because I was birthed at a time where morals had purpose

and now you will grow up in a time where the compass points to nuances instead of north.

Right and wrong are subjective.

Having choices is great

but not when your options are bad or worse.

You are in all my decisions.

You own all of my memory.

I am letting go of the parts before you

that would give room to a resentful heart.

Maybe it won’t turn out the way I’ve painted it in my head,

maybe there will be less smiles and more frustration

from cries in the middle of the night.

Even with all that,

You are the miracle God gave,

that I never prayed for

And so for you,

I will bring down the stars.

Jade Novelist ©️ 2018

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