Nostalgia

O fetoha seo o sa se tshwareleng

You become that which you won’t forgive

Bitter,

broken

and sad,

a sad human being

Overlapping memories of loving you

and you using me tangled by bedsheets

Bodies rubbing against each other

The gentle thrusts and murmured “I love you’s”

Three weeks later

I found out we had made more than love

Even though for you it was just lust

The shock,

the joy,

the fear

I felt them all at once

So I tell you

You laugh and tell me

“Its” Not yours

You must have seen me as one who opened for every man

Making this baby was one sided because you were only following the trend

Reducing a magical moment to slut-tery is evil

Touches of when she was conceived

Kisses after every thrust

We used protection but I swear on my mother’s grave

She’s yours

And I’ve already started picking names

But you’re picking your next conquest

You come up with the right lies to tell

Something about impregnating your ex

and seeing me as a hindrance

But I had hope

That the guy who held my hands in public,

prayed with me after a serving,

danced with a gluts

And told her she is beautiful

Would want a child with her

A child with me

Setting aside the disappointment,

fear,

And preparations for your look alike with little eyes

and toothless smiles

Today I remember the rejection of a fetus

Without a name

Without a father

Without a heartbeat

Three weeks later I miscarried

Today, instead of telling you,

fate had me spare you with

“Love, I was never pregnat”

That’s how we ended

Me with the loss of a child and you with a healthy conscience

Boikhutso ©️2018

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