Sex is different from intimacy, which differs from love. I know sex isn’t love and unfortunately it took a few nights and rounds of bad decisions to figure it out.

In my escapades to love, I made a few discoveries and if I could go back in time, these are the three things I wish I knew before my first time.


I wish I knew you can’t get it back. Yes, I know people say that once you lose your virginity it doesn’t come back but for those of us who realized too late that we wasted something special on someone underserving, allow us. Honestly you can keep the title of being my first time, just give me back my damn memories. Having to mention you when my future love asks where did it all begin is a reminder of something I don’t need. Wanting your virginity back isn’t silly or strange, It’s kinda like death, you grow up knowing it’s permanent and you can accept it but once someone passes away, you wish you could go back. You pray for their return and for the longest time I prayed for it back.


Sex is great, making love is nice and being with someone with clear intentions is indescribable. I just wish I knew to first understand the intentions of those I shared my soul with. Lust or love, both fulfill the same urge and both involve you but doing something with the right intentions with the wrong information leads to nothing but heartache. I should have done more research or maybe shown signs that I would have been more receptive of the truth. I continued feeding the flesh hoping it was love. I must admit I didn’t learn this lesson on my own, someone said she loved me and wanted to show me love and after years of putting her all into it, I finally understood the need for mutual intentions.


Sex isn’t enough. You can only find so much pleasure in a painful situation. Good sex, great sex and even the best sex won’t make it work or fix your relationship. It keeps the clock running, so you can say you were still together even after the communication has broken down and what brought you together has left the sheets. Don’t break your soul hoping you can mend another, don’t use your body as a sacrifice wishing for a better tomorrow because if that person leaves, you will have to spend a longer period trying to get their touch erased from your muscle memory.

Time is the greatest teacher of all and I’m still learning but these are the things I wish I knew before sex. Male, female, not everyone sees sex the same. Some see it as something with a purpose. This has nothing to do with body count, a high body count may lead to experience and discovering what works best for you, this is more about choice and making sure the choice is always yours and you are making an informed choice.

To each their own and you should do it your way.



4 Responses

  1. Wow Jade. This is beautiful.
    Very relatable. Thank you so much for this piece πŸ˜πŸ™ŒπŸΎ

  2. This is beautiful. Very profound.

    What if we will have our first time of making love that will remove all the bad, tainted memories that came with us having sex to prove something?

    What if we will have our first time again? Just different?

    1. If we could have our first timed again and have them erase the past, that would be really amazing.

      Experiencing love, experiencing something new and positive is always amazing.

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