It feels like while I was searching you were waiting,

You make me feel illiterate

because I could not read the stop signs tattooed on their foreheads

I would let them court and start the journey but then realize I was falling,

making this trip alone and the person with arms wide open,

ready to catch me,

no longer resembled my soulmate

I suffocated in my own decisions,

lay in beds of wishful thinking

Hoping, praying that that time was the last time

Maybe I was just scared of lonely but you took too long to find me.

I shed tears on photographs that symbolized what I knew I wanted with you

And now that we are together, I wonder where have you been?

Probably loving girls who promised you forevers and afters

And I did the same with boys who made vows they couldn’t keep

So now their debts are yours

I blame you for the sweet words I never received

I blame you for the nights I cried because of another and you weren’t there to comfort me

I blame you for the hurt I endured while trying to find you

For the messages to God I felt fell on deaf ears

I blame you for f*cking with my faith

Yes, I said it.

If God is love, why did I have to work so hard for you when He gives His so easily?

Surely you were too busy listening to stories of how special you are from loves who couldn’t comprehend your value.

So I blame you for f*cking with my faith and all the “we need to talk” and “it’s not you it’s me”

All the “someone for your exists somewhere

I blame you because I am no longer by myself

Finally I have someone to share blame with

Jade Novelist ©️ 2017


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