I live in the shadow of my mind at times
In the space between conscious and afraid
Where prayers don’t escape because there’s no voice to whisper the words
So “help me”, echos in the silence
A state of half awake, half asleep
Sharing a bed with the emptiness I’ve befriended
Paralyzed but still in motion
Stuck in a dark place but digging a deeper hole
And as the light fades, so do their faces
I can’t hear them telling me to hold on
Life’s waves and constraints rush in
I’m drowning in what they call phases
I feel their doubt in me growing as they pull away
While I fight for my soul,
they bury me before my death and practice their eulogies
internalizing their voices,
saying they can see I’m not myself and that they miss who I used to be
While I struggle to retain sanity,
friends and family bury me
Preparing to let go of what we had, trying to protect the good memories while I’m just trying to remind myself of one where I existed outside of expectations
Outside of me needing to be strong or needing to be there for someone
Right now I need someone and don’t want to feel alone
Right now I’m navigating through emotions,
I’m lost in myself and I just wish someone would lead the search party,
Search, come find me
No matter how long it takes
Jade Novelist ©️ 2017
Honestly and truth is what it reflects. Very beautifully written!
Thank you very much. This was a very personal poem for me. I wrote it based on a time where I was going through a lot and none of the people I was close to, were there for me.
You decided to pen down all your pain and suffering, that’s really brave! One could indeed, feel the vibe that you wished to create 🙂