Come Find Me (Please)

I live in the shadow of my mind at times

In the space between conscious and afraid

Where prayers don’t escape because there’s no voice to whisper the words

So “help me”, echos in the silence

A state of half awake, half asleep

Sharing a bed with the emptiness I’ve befriended

Paralyzed but still in motion

Stuck in a dark place but digging a deeper hole

And as the light fades, so do their faces

I can’t hear them telling me to hold on

Life’s waves and constraints rush in

I’m drowning in what they call phases

I feel their doubt in me growing as they pull away

While I fight for my soul,

they bury me before my death and practice their eulogies

internalizing their voices,

saying they can see I’m not myself and that they miss who I used to be

While I struggle to retain sanity,

friends and family bury me

Preparing to let go of what we had, trying to protect the good memories while I’m just trying to remind myself of one where I existed outside of expectations

Outside of me needing to be strong or needing to be there for someone

Right now I need someone and don’t want to feel alone

Right now I’m navigating through emotions,

I’m lost in myself and I just wish someone would lead the search party,

Search, come find me

No matter how long it takes

 

Jade Novelist ©️ 2017

 

To read more poems from the #MemorableAmnesia, you can visit and download the anthology:
Memorable Amnesia Download

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