I’ve turned off my conscience to accommodate selfish desiresFor too long lonely hands have danced around sheets 

seeking contact with obstacles that refuse to grace my bed

And sharp senses make it clear that no strangers smell 

has lingered across my pillows for eons

To avoid demons conjured up by lonely minds 

I put away my bible so the only devil I face will be dressed in a hangover 

Blaming lonely thoughts I tell myself this is a one time thing

Just something so I can I have one less lonely night

Putting away righteous ambitions

 I find liquid courage to tell you I want you

Putting aside pending emotions

I lie and say I do this all the time

That I’m okay being alone

That I’m the type for a good time

In a car, behind a bar or just anywhere

So you can not hear my lonely heart

ripping at its strings

Pleading, begging for someone to want me

I kiss your neck, put my hands there

And whisper in your ears how much better I’d be on a bed

I remind you that I’m okay alone

All the while all I want is for us to be alone together

Finally I will get to feel something 

I don’t care that it will hurt 

Just don’t rush while you use me

Or rather while we use each other

Because while all you needed was a temporary lover

I just wanted to matter to another

Only long enough for lonely me to get chance to imagine what happy looks like
Jade Novelist © 2017