I spend most days lamenting over how we met
Over how you are my only non-regret
I admire your beauty and value how you see me
I adore what you stand for and appreciate all you give me and more
I am in awe at how someone like you can love someone of my standard at such a caliber
And I know things such as these should be kept secret, but girl you’re the perfect lover
And I’d never ask for another
I spend all of my day when we are either together or apart
Trying to keep back the thoughts lurking in the dark
In the dead space negative confines of my mind
Thoughts of how you will one day move on and leave me behind
Thoughts of how you’ll lose your compassion and forget our passion
How I’ll be a stepping stone, a learning lesson
Just another man on the list of “guys I dated but should have never liked”
Just another “guy who couldn’t teach me the true meaning of love”
I spend every day wondering who do I need to be today
What words should I say, hoping they will please you
I spend every day wondering if today will be that day
The day we’ll have nothing more than memories
And you’ll be just another girl who used to love me
You’ll tell the next I was half okay
That I did just enough to tease your body but not enough to make you stay
I spend most nights praying that you still want me
And that my presence has some sort of essence in your well being
Even though we are long past the beginning
I still feel like I’m at the start
Constantly fighting the battle to win your heart
We’ve been together now for a while
And I enjoy the encrypted messages hidden in your smile
But I always feel our perfect love story coming to an end
Maybe it’s because of the past loves that gave the illusion of a never coming end
I share these fears not for you to pity me
But despite my unwavering love
I’m filled with insecurity
It’s hard loving someone
But even harder loving a good woman after you’ve had a bad one
It’s hard seeing the beauty in a good thing
When bad things are all you know
I’m afraid despite my efforts I will be almost there
Do almost enough
But still not get all the way
This is my admittance of self doubt
Not in our relationship or you
But in life’s perception of the good guy wins in the end
Jade Novelist © 2017
