I spend most days lamenting over how we met

Over how you are my only non-regret

I admire your beauty and value how you see me

I adore what you stand for and appreciate all you give me and more

I am in awe at how someone like you can love someone of my standard at such a caliber

And I know things such as these should be kept secret, but girl you’re the perfect lover

And I’d never ask for another
I spend all of my day when we are either together or apart

Trying to keep back the thoughts lurking in the dark

In the dead space negative confines of my mind

Thoughts of how you will one day move on and leave me behind

Thoughts of how you’ll lose your compassion and forget our passion

How I’ll be a stepping stone, a learning lesson

Just another man on the list of “guys I dated but should have never liked”

Just another “guy who couldn’t teach me the true meaning of love”
I spend every day wondering who do I need to be today

What words should I say, hoping they will please you

I spend every day wondering if today will be that day

The day we’ll have nothing more than memories

And you’ll be just another girl who used to love me

You’ll tell the next I was half okay

That I did just enough to tease your body but not enough to make you stay
I spend most nights praying that you still want me

And that my presence has some sort of essence in your well being

Even though we are long past the beginning

I still feel like I’m at the start

Constantly fighting the battle to win your heart

We’ve been together now for a while

And I enjoy the encrypted messages hidden in your smile

But I always feel our perfect love story coming to an end

Maybe it’s because of the past loves that gave the illusion of a never coming end
I share these fears not for you to pity me

But despite my unwavering love

I’m filled with insecurity

It’s hard loving someone

But even harder loving a good woman after you’ve had a bad one

It’s hard seeing the beauty in a good thing

When bad things are all you know

I’m afraid despite my efforts I will be almost there

Do almost enough

But still not get all the way

This is my admittance of self doubt

Not in our relationship or you

But in life’s perception of the good guy wins in the end
Jade Novelist © 2017