The Day I Lost My Voice

I remember like it was yesterdayAt times I smiled because I survived

No longer a victim but now a victor
Other times, I celebrate because it is I who was chosen.

I who was made to have an experience different from the regular sinner.
There are times I feel as if I could have done more

Made the memory more memorable

Made it more consensual

More sensual
Then there are times the movie plays in my head

How it was so passionate

The lust in his eyes for me

He threw me on the floor

Ripped my clothes off

And had his way with me
But then there are times I remember the role I played

The lack of character in my actions

I guess my “no” sounded like “yes”

And my “I’ve had enough” said “give me some more”

“Stop” was “go”

“You’re hurting me” was “deeper please”

I guess that’s why I just lay there and didn’t bother to say “let me leave”

I should have put more ooooomph in it
Today I sit here in this corner tear drenched

Fist clenched and I’m ready to fight

But no one hears me

I’m ready to stand up for the next you try to hurt

The next like you who tries it with me
But today is also one of those times I realize I don’t have a voice

Because someone took away my choice

On that day like a dog in a fight I kicked so hard,

Like A school boy at a soccer game I screamed so loud

That by the time I’d gotten home, after calling my friend, to share what had happened, I’d lost my voice physically

I’d lost my voice, spiritually

I’d simply lost my voice
I screamed so loud, I lost my voice

I screamed so hard, my words slurred

And thoughts blurred

But when I got home, they caught up to me

And they whispered… “You asked for it…”
As I entered and my mom greeted me, and asked “how is your uncle”

As I was about to my thoughts once again raced away and I let slip “he is okay, he is in a great mood”

But once they caught up to me again, beneath my breathe, I mumbled “satisfied with himself”
Jade Novelist © 2017

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